Of Silver in Adam’s Ale..

He looked into my eyes, just the way I’ve always dreamed my man will look into mine. I could see him, see into my soul. I shifted just an inch, feeling slightly fidgety from somewhere within. But he held me. With his honest, blatant, straight, unwavering, calm and unblinking gaze. I looked back. My gaze steady but not as steady as his resolute look. There was this hesitation.But where was it coming from? And why? Why now? NOW, when I found the man who looked into my eyes like that. At the time, I could not tell. So I decided to leave it at that. There seemed to be no time to channelize or focus or think pragmatically. It was all very in-the-moment, increasingly pulsating with every breath I took. I was anxious, happy, surprised, hesitant and curious - All at the same time. Then again, nobody had made me feel like the center of the Universe before too, that too with a mere eye-contact.

We stood apart at the same distance, for what seemed like at least a slow moving 67 something years. None of us ready to drop that contact for another 67 something years, either. Just when I thought time has stopped. He moved. His move as determined as his gaze. Closing the distance between us with the same calmness with which he was looking into my eyes. The water lashed hard around us, even harder than before. The droplets falling a lakh per minute on the turquoise tranquil blue lagoon of that swimming pool. Is there anybody else here? Is it the calm before or after the storm? I can’t tell. I can’t tell anything right now. It felt like it was the sea. The never-ending infinite sea. My heart was moving up.. towards my mouth.. competing with the thunder and rain around us. Through all the noises around us that the water made, I could only hear my heart beating, in my mouth, one crazy hard heartbeat at a time.

Inches. We were mere inches apart. Still no touching. Only that all-engulfing gaze. He raised his hand and straightened a strand of hair that danced on my forehead, tucking it oh-so-adorably behind my ear. Like that’s where it’s supposed to be, like that was its home, like that’s where it belonged. I could feel my wrists sweating, underwater. I was suddenly very aware of the proximity which gave away my heavy breathing and all the turmoil within me. His hands didn't linger romantically near my ear. But it was going to be futile anyway, the damage had been done, I already had goose-flesh, underwater, of course! Brilliant. Not only am I a chicken. I can’t even pretend to be cool and act like I'm not affected. With the hands, that knew their business well, he reached underwater and held my palms in his, gently but unflinchingly. My sweaty (and I think terribly trembling) palms. We were now a whisker apart. It was like he had rehearsed this impromptu moment all his life. He exhibited a composure of years of meticulous planning. He didn't waiver, or looked like he didn’t know his move. Even after knowing him all my life, I never knew he had this determination, this streak in him, behind this introvert, geek image he carried forever. I was actually awestruck at his, pardon me for saying this, but his.. macho-ness. There is no better turn-on in this whole wide world, than the man -- who knows exactly what he is doing.

But if that was the right thing, why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I hold his hands back? Why couldn't I see in his eyes what he saw in mine? Why did my feet feel like they were tied to logs of iron in the water? Why was I turning into stone? Why wasn't I melting in his arms? Why did it seem right but not feel right?

He stood, holding me. His look changing from that of calmness to confusion to anxiousness to desperation to finally..Disappointment. And I? I had turned into stone long back. He seemed right and it was perfect. But only that he wasn't. He wasn't the one who’d change the stone into a living creature. I was destined to be with someone, who could do that. And he was destined to be with someone, who never turned into stone at that all consuming love he had to offer.

He was what Silver is with Adam’s Ale. While both are excellent as individual elements in the world. Silver is still insoluble in water. And as Nature commands, it always will be.. Just like the unsuccessful attraction between us.