- THE things that matter dont necessarily come in big huge shiny luxurious boxes.. They come more than often in small packages,in tiny insignificant little gestures,in chote recharges..They are those tiny little simple codes that open the treasures and more often than not,also the Pandora's boxes!This is about the things that i dont probably even accept myself at times,because may be i cant do much about them as in dark dingy corners of our inner selves lie our fears,our immaturities,our inhibitions,our apprehensions,our denials,our premonitions,our disbeliefs and all the bloopers a man can think off !!basically all the doppleganger instincts exist somehow inside all of us and are manifested in some form or the other. Boisterously or secretly they just do.SO,when i look into the mirror and see the red horns instead of the halo,its usually the denial in me,which is responsible for the change! Denial ,(as i stop denying now and realise),is in most respects my counter character.
I realised that i'm clingy about things,refusing to let go,choosing not to do things,looking away when reality stares back and conveniently turning a blind eye to things that ..end or are about to end or just..can end.Weird but true.A simple ending of anything i kile.. ending a book.. the end of a series on TV.. end of the festive season..any season for that matter.. end of studies.. end of holidays.. end of a journey.. end of relationships.. end of you-name-it!
Yes.I deny endings.
It dawned on me this exquisite quality of denying an end ,when after watching each and every episode at least a 6million times in all permutations and combinations.math could offer,of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, with and without my friends for years now,i had successfully dodged watching the one after The One with All The Ones ie. The Last One. Up until,a few weeks back,when something came over me and i took a big bulky decision of mustering all the courage to watch the end of something that i had literally lived by and loved every bit of it like my own!I teared up and choked from the beginning to the end of the episode and for some days after that.But then i thought that it was just a soap.Its not like its going somewhere..physically.But was it really only that ?? was i only clingy to things physically proximate?Think Not.Even if it was a virtual end.It was an end nonetheless.And may be its a problem which takes care of itself with the help of the healing-time.But there it is,escaped and evaded victoriously till it comes and jumps out from the self-created-darkness.
No.I'm not proud of it.I'm just helpless and hopeless and go down the dumps even thinking about it.AM I THE ONLY EMOTIONAL F***WIT ALIVE of course,after Madame Bridget Jones?Am i the only one who cant stand The End?Am i the only one for whom De-nial is not just a river in Egypt? Or all of us in our ways,develop the darkness around the things we choose not see??
- Moving onto more stupid charactersitics,species like yours truly,as researchers will definitely be able to prove one day not very far from now,do not have the anatomy of getting a complete one hundred percent Closure. Remember no one gets everything? Yes.We do not have the ability of getting over ANYTHING completely ever.Its like we are at constant war with ourselves and refuse to give peace to our overly sensitive and emotional heads!Bordering on making ourselves almost like Masochists! ** shudders** Well. Upon regaining composure i think we're not Masochists.We're just vulnerable or ..at times,too touchy about something for too long to get closure from it. It sort of becomes a way of life,it becomes a thought stuck in our heads for so long that closure seems to be the hardest thing to do.And at other times,the less often ones,closure is what we don't even seek(despite knowing fully how important it is).Apart from my soliloquies,the only thing that comes to my mind and for which the nation has been apparently trying to get closure and move on is Ayodhya.I came across a very apt quote by someone that said Whether Lord Ram was actually "born"(unlike the other Gods who appeared from Above without a fixed birth place) or not is still a question and the courts have gone and decided the exact birth place of the God.
We clearly,subconsciously didn't want this sh*t to end.It had become a way of life for some truly useless people and now when the judiciary came together and came up with an apparently straight jacketed answer..people from all religions are in lurch as to the closure which they were forced to accept!
SO,its the whole country,eh? closure seeking apparently and closure evading secretly!
More on the coded areas later..till then..Don't deny the closure,my friend.Do'nt. :)
