There is a different kind of sound that we can here when trust shatters.. the sound of nothingness. The sudden burst of silence. Its like reaching a dead end on the road which you couldn't even see till the time you almost collided head on into it.At times,the world stops. At other times,the world spins. But what remains constant is the silence.
Trust is talkative. It talks(A LOT!), communicates, promises and builds itself up on all of these things it does between two people. It has a tendency to crop up where you'd least expect it and most of the times build up silently without letting you know that it is building itself up. And BOOM! There it is one day.Staring at you with the cute-big-eyes and batting eyelids and a puppy face..the next thing you know is you've surrendered to it! And you start batting your eyelids and you start being puppy faced in life with all the trust that sits pretty in your big big heart.
Trust also doesn't recognize lines.It breaks them.Especially,if you've drawn huge clear cut bold defined lines.Its frikkin slimy,it slips and takes the shape of the space its in.Trust once settled in your big cute heart,makes it all gooey and fudge-y and chocolate-y and melts those huge clear cut bold defined lines and reduces them to fuzzy non defined molten blobs of nothing. It lets people and things and everything in.Its soo accomodating that it entertains everything and everyone.
Did i also mention that its blind-folded and stupid usually? Oh yeah! Blindfolded. A 101% blindfolded. Its blindfolded and a lil stupid considering it doesn't see which two people its creeping in between!It just gushes in between ..makes itself comfortable in the big cute heart..bats eyelids and all that..and takes everyone in.
This process it quite similar to the formation of a fragile bubble.. Trust is a bubble. And when it bursts.It takes only a fraction of a nanosecond to end itself.It breaks at the drop of the hat, at times its broken intentionally, at other times by mistake, sometimes by carelessness, some other times unknowingly and most of the times.. it succumbs to everything on its own and kills itself. The burst is so sudden that it doesn't have time to ask questions,it doesn't wait for answers,it doesn't see through its blindfolds and it doesn't understand anything.At the first chance it gets..with ease with which its built,with the same effortlessness it breaks.
And whats left is a huge not so cute empty heart,the big-teary-eyes and a sulky clueless face..In complete and utter silence.Probably the noise inside is soo shrill that it deafens the insides to the extent that all you can hear is silence.
Unbearable.
Insurmountably.
Unbreakable.
Silence.
As i see it, the most untrustworthy of all unfair human emotions,that build and un-build themselves inside a living being -- would be trust.Nothing weakens you more than trusting someone completely,bringing someone into those huge bubble like walls of your cute happy heart,being blindfolded and believing everything from the talk to the promises.
When the lights go off on the inside and its pin drop silence in pitch darkness.All you can do is wait for the light to find its way back to that deep darkness.To show you that the damage is not that great and most importantly that its not your doing.So the punishment that you give to yourself,sitting in that pitch darkness,surrounded by shambles,reveling in that all deafening silence and going over and over again as to what went wrong where..is the biggest mistake of it all.
May be trust wouldn't be so untrustworthy if we lay it in the right hands.May be we're not using the tool right.May be before laying trust in someone else,we gotta lay it in our own self.
Trust our gut.
Trust the instinct and trust what you tell your self when no one is around.The things you confess to yourself when nobody other than you knows it.Thats when you should stop lying to yourself and pushing things under the rug,thats when you should start listening and start trusting.When everything is between you and you.. thats when you should believe what that big cute heart says.Instead of letting someone else live in there,may be we should let ourselves in and stay there before anyone else enters our world.The conscience which is clear has nothing to fear about.The heart that has no dark deep secrets that it keeps from itself is the lightest heart in the world.And its also the most dangerous tool that kills you every single moment,bit by bit,from within reminding you that you wronged someone,no matter how rosy the picture might look from the outside.
The biggest of all faiths,after the one you have in yourself,is the one you have in someone way beyond us.. Who watches out for everyone from up there..who calls the shots down here..who keeps that record book of karma for each one of us and pays us back before we take off forever.Who ensures heaven and hell right here.In some form or the other,all we can do in the end,is trust ourselves to keep our karma right.To not shatter any heart that lets us in.To be the one we want the others to be with us.To not let our karma strike back and bite us where it hurts the most.Thats the greatest gift that we can give to ourselves,when we know in our hearts of hearts that we have a clean slate,that we did no wrong knowingly or unknowingly and most importantly we never broke the heart that let us in...laying all its trust in us.
Just remind yourself at every step in life,that when you think no one is watching and you can slip without guilt.. trust that,thats exactly when someone is watching,someone within you..And you'll be sorted,because that's the only person who is going to cross the ultimate finish line with you.Don't let your own conscience kill you before someone else does.
