Flashback: Things I'd tell the younger me..

Dear Lil Me,

1. There are grey areas. I wish things were as white and as black as you perceive them to be. But they aren't. In fact, at some point you might think, that the only color in which things exit in life is - Grey.
2. Don't judge already! Yes. Even if its only in the most secretive of secret places in the corners of your head. Not just yet. Please don't judge!
3. Break some rules. The breakable ones, that is.
4. Very Soon, you are going to think that you like this boy , the way you've never liked another boy before and you will also think that this is it for you. Don't hold onto that feeling. Learn to let go. And learn it at the right time.
5. By now, you know exactly who your best friend is. Rest assured, that in this- this really is it! She's your soul sister. Never ever hurt her. Try not to let anyone else hurt her too. Especially on that Goa trip that you'll be on soon.
6. Study. Math is going to give you back, what you give her. Which is - NOTHING. Ok, start studying for the math supplementary exam! Just study more or something.
7. Even when you think your heart has a boy in it right now,you'll like other boys without understanding why you do, when you supposedly like the first one so much. (Ways of the heart I tell you! ) take the cue- if you liked the first boy so much, your heart wouldn't have wandered off to the other boys. Drop the first one... And let your poor lil heart be.
8. Repeat after me - Dimples are no big deal. They don't mean a good heart. Drop that second boy , who seems gaga over you, right now too. It'll save you a lot of trouble and chaos later. Actually, it'll also save him and a lot of other people a hell lot of trouble too.
9. You are lucky to have got it right by now, stick to it for life - family is everything. You are truly blessed!
10. If you try too hard to keep everyone happy then you will end up unhappy. If you try too hard to keep only yourself happy then you will end up making almost everyone unhappy. Strike a balance.
11. Carry a mascara and lipgloss to farewell! Crying, laughing, hugging, smiling, posing, kissing et al. You probably won't care that much, but it'll ALL show in the pictures for the posterity.
12. Make up your mind as to what you want to do now. You'll save a year of nothingness before college.
13. Dance will never leave you. Rest assured. If you love it that much, you'll see the lengths to which you can go for attaining that happiness, for yourself.

13. Know who you are friends with.
14. Don't expect to go to a fancy fairy tale college- infra-structurally  Be prepared to be shocked first and then taken in by the experience it will give you.
15. You will have so many friends who will teach you so many different life lessons. Try not to get upset or agitated or sarcastic when life's not black and white all the time. Giving those around you a tough time, by giving yourself a though time isn't going to help.
16. Don't take everything to heart. Please don't . Getting hurt so easily, getting affected by everyone so easily is not going to do you any good. Toughen up. Yes, that also means no crying, not even when you're alone.
17. There'll still be time when you go to college, if you haven't forgotten the boy I told you to forget, rather both the boys, forget them NOW. Soon in college , you'll get  an email and a messenger request. Don't reply and don't accept.
18. That best friend of yours, keep her by your side for your own good. Don't worry, possessiveness is an accepted side effect of that relationship! Realise it sooner than later,it'll make you fight with her and snap at her a lil lesser.
19. Study. Please.
20.  Exercise. Lots.(Lose that flab!)
21. Life is sooo much more better than it will seem sometime or the other. You'll think you've hit rock bottom. Be sure to tell yourself that you haven't even left the top, forget getting to the bottom. Make it a habit to count your blessings.
22. You will realise, 10 wise years later, that the world is generally filled with people who take the ones closest to them, for granted or sidetrack them.You are probably doing it too, in ways that you don't even realise are making you do it. Simple things like, not acknowledging your family or closest friend when you're with people you " hope " to make an impression on or people who you want to be close to or worst still, people who don't really give you that much importance as you give them.I'm not too worried about you on this front, cause for some reason you realise this, but still these are one of the things social networking will teach you, where all your friends and their friends and friends of friends confluence. You will observe yourself, your closest and the strangers.. And as stupid as it might seem.. You will be able to judge their general behaviour by the way they react or behave or whatever. When this happens, don't get hurt , thank your stars! :)
23. Go to Fateh Sagar more often. Take more walks by the lake. And try to wake up and enjoy the beautiful mornings as much as you can! That peaceful memory alone, of a breathtaking morning in Udaipur, will see you through a lot of dry and parched days , away from home. Fill your lungs with that air!!
24. Have fun. More fun, if that's even possible.
25. Maintain the clean heart policy. That never fails. No matters what I tell you right now, you must be perched on the couch or in your room, waiting for my sermon to get over, so you can call someone or paint your nails or think about somebody you have a crush on or think of things to do in school. So.. Go and live your life, the way you want to. Because when you reach here.. Where I am today.. I would want you to feel the exact same way that I'm feeling right now,at the end of point no 25..
This place, where you regret nothing, you want to protect your - younger- self from the wrongs and the silly mistakes you've made, but then mid way through the sermon , all of a sudden you realise - that every bit of it was worth it and needed to make me the person I am today. You'll have just the right friends, the beautiful doting family, the boy issues have  all evaporated( why some are your closest friends today!), there is this calm inside of you, that sense of understanding and clarity that comes with the age and experience.. Which assures you of the fact that all's well that ends well and that everything happens for a reason. You won't have it any other way too.. So go live it up !!
And just one more thing, Don't ever loose sight of the Big Picture.


Much Love,

Slightly bigger- Yourself

Of Silver in Adam’s Ale..

He looked into my eyes, just the way I’ve always dreamed my man will look into mine. I could see him, see into my soul. I shifted just an inch, feeling slightly fidgety from somewhere within. But he held me. With his honest, blatant, straight, unwavering, calm and unblinking gaze. I looked back. My gaze steady but not as steady as his resolute look. There was this hesitation.But where was it coming from? And why? Why now? NOW, when I found the man who looked into my eyes like that. At the time, I could not tell. So I decided to leave it at that. There seemed to be no time to channelize or focus or think pragmatically. It was all very in-the-moment, increasingly pulsating with every breath I took. I was anxious, happy, surprised, hesitant and curious - All at the same time. Then again, nobody had made me feel like the center of the Universe before too, that too with a mere eye-contact.

We stood apart at the same distance, for what seemed like at least a slow moving 67 something years. None of us ready to drop that contact for another 67 something years, either. Just when I thought time has stopped. He moved. His move as determined as his gaze. Closing the distance between us with the same calmness with which he was looking into my eyes. The water lashed hard around us, even harder than before. The droplets falling a lakh per minute on the turquoise tranquil blue lagoon of that swimming pool. Is there anybody else here? Is it the calm before or after the storm? I can’t tell. I can’t tell anything right now. It felt like it was the sea. The never-ending infinite sea. My heart was moving up.. towards my mouth.. competing with the thunder and rain around us. Through all the noises around us that the water made, I could only hear my heart beating, in my mouth, one crazy hard heartbeat at a time.

Inches. We were mere inches apart. Still no touching. Only that all-engulfing gaze. He raised his hand and straightened a strand of hair that danced on my forehead, tucking it oh-so-adorably behind my ear. Like that’s where it’s supposed to be, like that was its home, like that’s where it belonged. I could feel my wrists sweating, underwater. I was suddenly very aware of the proximity which gave away my heavy breathing and all the turmoil within me. His hands didn't linger romantically near my ear. But it was going to be futile anyway, the damage had been done, I already had goose-flesh, underwater, of course! Brilliant. Not only am I a chicken. I can’t even pretend to be cool and act like I'm not affected. With the hands, that knew their business well, he reached underwater and held my palms in his, gently but unflinchingly. My sweaty (and I think terribly trembling) palms. We were now a whisker apart. It was like he had rehearsed this impromptu moment all his life. He exhibited a composure of years of meticulous planning. He didn't waiver, or looked like he didn’t know his move. Even after knowing him all my life, I never knew he had this determination, this streak in him, behind this introvert, geek image he carried forever. I was actually awestruck at his, pardon me for saying this, but his.. macho-ness. There is no better turn-on in this whole wide world, than the man -- who knows exactly what he is doing.

But if that was the right thing, why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I hold his hands back? Why couldn't I see in his eyes what he saw in mine? Why did my feet feel like they were tied to logs of iron in the water? Why was I turning into stone? Why wasn't I melting in his arms? Why did it seem right but not feel right?

He stood, holding me. His look changing from that of calmness to confusion to anxiousness to desperation to finally..Disappointment. And I? I had turned into stone long back. He seemed right and it was perfect. But only that he wasn't. He wasn't the one who’d change the stone into a living creature. I was destined to be with someone, who could do that. And he was destined to be with someone, who never turned into stone at that all consuming love he had to offer.

He was what Silver is with Adam’s Ale. While both are excellent as individual elements in the world. Silver is still insoluble in water. And as Nature commands, it always will be.. Just like the unsuccessful attraction between us.  

The Times of The Capital – First Edition.

As i write this, I realise that I've hardly had 2 spoonfuls of what life has to offer..  And I'm acutely aware of the fact that I have a long way to go till I reach the bottom of my cup. 

The Capital has been very kind and God has been kinder.

I’ve known The Capital and its system ever since I was a child. So it lets me slip into my comfort zone with ease. But at the same time, it does have its drawbacks, which are not small, to state the least. I had some notions about myself before I shifted base from my own Shangri-La to this city where this Shangri-La isn’t mine. (It’s Eros’! Hah LAME.) On a serious note, I knew the hardships I’d face and the smooth sailing that would follow. What I didn’t know was how I was going to take them. My perception of my behavior has turned out to be quite different from my behavior itself.

I thought I was patient.

NOT. I’m quite un-patient. And that is a trait that I’ve acquired in this city. Someone once said that, patience is not the art of waiting for something that you want, it’s an attitude that one exhibits during that time, waiting for things to go his/her way. It’s basically your reaction to that time and its events. My response- I get agitated, paranoid, uneasy, clammy, upset, and teary - all at the same time within a span of a few minutes. An event that doesn’t go as it should when I am out of the confines of my lovely home (Thank Heavens for that!), it takes me hardly any time to lose my cool. And lose my cool in a way that meticulously doesn’t show on the exterior but boils like some complex chemical broth on the interior. I will attribute this to the safety concern that keeps you on guard 24*7 and leaves no room for a breather in that respect. Which brings us to what I’ve developed as a result of that stress – Acute never-ending ACIDITY. Hello Digene!

I thought I had courage.

Ermm. I still am courageous. On the outside, that is. Why, I squarely faced the Beggar family –squad at Khan Market,at night, all alone! I rode with the most ferocious looking auto fellas. I work at a place with a slimy person to take orders from. I also went into some very immodest sort of houses with never to be trusted-brokers while house hunting. I also took a cab to the airport, from TaxiSure, one of the lesser known cab services with the shadiest looking, English speaking, fancy named-cabbie, at three at night. On the inside, I have cursed myself and thanked my stars a gazillion times for each and every event that I’ve mentioned here and for more such events- some avoidable and some absolutely inevitable!

I thought I was going to be Independent.

NADA. A BIG NO NO.

Strictly speaking, independence is a notion, defined in a very skewed fashion. The one and only Oxford Dictionary declares that:

Independent means: adjective

·              1free from outside control; not subject to another’s authority.

·              2not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence:

·              3capable of thinking or acting for oneself.

·              4not connected with another or with each other; separate.

I thought I qualified atleast 2 out of the given 4 options to be independent. When in all actual-ness, I score a big zero on four! There is no doubting Number 1. I am ONLY subject to “another’s authority” a minimum of 90% of the time, which constitutes all work hours and also some hours after.
Number 2 is thankfully taken care off in bits by the self and the rest is ensured by the familia, rather lavishly. Number 3. IS A JOKE! Which I have come to terms with now. The butt of this is usually my mother, my aunt and my soul sister. I need constant advice on what to do, where to go, who to meet, how much to divulge (Ye apni Raajdhaani hai bhaisaab! Patri nahin kholni hai kisi ke bhi saamne!)...blahblahblah. Number 4 is not true for anyone. In our times of social networking, connectivity is a necessity.. Or an obsessive compulsive disorder  ...Or an inevitable consequence of technology. Have atleast a cellphone? You will be connected. I for one, am thankful that I’m super connected, to whoever that matters.

So there goes the Independence. Of thought, mind and Soul. The Capital doesn’t provide you with liberation, sorry. You got to fight for it or go someplace deeper within yourself. For which, there is such a thing as Art of Living. Another one which I thought I had mastered. But, not even close.

I am in reality, very dependent- with a parasitic intensity! Dependent on my most vital carriers for the food for the soul, all of whom live hundreds of miles away.

What has this city given me then?

It’s giving me the teachings to last a lifetime. It’s grinding my posterior to no limits. Its giving me some *good* parties. It’s giving me my friends. It’s given me a beautiful cozy house that I can call mine; truly, because it feels like it’s mine. It’s showing me what it is to live in a whirlwind. One step at a time.

There’s work. There’s the managing of the house. There’s the socializing. There’s the shopping – all sorts at that! There’s the easy access to art events. There’s the crowd. There’s the drive on the broad beautiful roads. There’s the best Dal Bukhara and Tiramisu. There’s the quiet when you need it. There’s the magnificent sight of the breathtaking monuments. There’s the revelation. There’s the burst of flowers. There’s that realization. There’s the always visible somewhere, standing tall - My National Flag. There’s that assurance. There’s that patriotism in the air. There’s the non- stop and the best Radio with the most number of stations in the country. There’s that extreme weather. There’s the confluence of the who’s who and the nobodies from all over the globe.. all right here !

Oh and well…Somewhere in there is also..

… the Patience.

… the Courage.

… the Independence.

To my tried & tested times as well as my testing times here, for now and for all the times to come... Cheers to you Dear Capital! Keep my Safety net intact J ThankyouverymuchJee  !!

Hey Me :) Hey Hey You :)

My biggest audience is ME. It always feels  like looking into a time-travelling mirror, which has all my memories and feelings intact for me. And I can’t be more thankful to myself, for coming back once in a blue moon and reading what I had written. If my blog had to be categorized into a category, it would definitely be Self-Help. NO. Literally. This is my space to exorcise, imbibe, recollect, memorize and bind into written word what I felt when. As stupid (and now absolutely senseless!) as Hedgehog’s Dilemma which was about being right in the middle of a very very bad break two of my closest friends went through, to the Footprints in the Sand, which still make me feel amazed and reinstates my faith in The Super Power whenever I read it, to the Message in a Bottle, which makes for a perfect high school one sided crush saga - even today, to the Shattered Silver Splinters which I wrote when I experienced something that I hadn't till then, the breach of my trust.

Things have and have not changed. I wouldn't alter the Silver Closet. Rather I’d add some more things to it now. As for the things that have changed, well, Preaches and Scream: 2030 isn't quite going in the direction as it was predicted. But the time:: choices::experiences theory still holds good. And hey! It’s not TwentyThirty Yet! J The basics haven’t changed and how I thank God they haven’t. Still Bleeding Blue, still finding closure difficult, still loving yellow bulbs, still waiting for Prince Charming. And still in the all consuming Haze.

So this is me talking to me, preaching all the time, writing a moral-of-the –story- sort of paragraph in the end of every post. The conclusions are for myself than anyone else, so that when I lose my mental balance and get deranged, I know where to come to remind myself off the things I should be telling myself.

This is the Virtual Version of my Little Pink- Lock n Key- Diary.

The pages of which are open to all of you lovely people to peep into !

I love coming back here, over and over again (even if that's once a year!) . Hope you do too!

7 Minutes of Haze

7 minutes.
When Curiosity Rover was to land on Mars,it was going to take 7 minutes to touch upon the surface of Mars.In those 7 minutes Curiosity was going to be on its own and officially out of its creators hands,here on Earth. Whether Curiosity lands / loses itself somewhere in the atmosphere could only be determined at the end of those 7 minutes.A positive signal from the Martian land confirmed Curiosity's safe landing there and brought back life to its creators who waited with baited breath for that one tiny signal.
Those 7 minutes were termed the 7 Minutes of Terror by the scientists on Earth,but as I see it and if the Rover somehow could ,those 7 Minutes would be termed as,by Curiosity,as the 7 Minutes of Blissful Solitude.

Its 10.55 A.M on a Thursday morning and I have some me-time in which I decide to perch on the couch with the latest edition of Vogue,with a tall glass of water and a huge warm mug of coffee,to get absorbed in my fav. mag. and invest some luxury time in it.Its that time of the year which I'm particularly not fond off.Its neither summer nor winter,its fall,its transition and its allergies!Still,for the first time in the quiet of my drawing room I realise something that makes even fall seem pretty to me.Its like my eyes have suddenly gotten permanent Instagram lenses for themselves!LOL Ok so,there's something fascinating about those 7 minutes. From Curiosity's point of view,of course. Because today I feel like Curiosity.Curiosity in her 7 minutes. (Yes,I think Curiosity's a girl because 1)I feel like her.I can't feel like a boy. And 2) Curiosity for a boy's name? Seriously.What sort of parents would do that to their child?) So yeah. Curiosity and her 7 minutes. Right now, it feels like Me and my 7 Minutes.
7 Minutes of Absolute Disconnect.7 Minutes of Blissful Solitude.7 Minutes of Peace. 7 Minutes of Quiet. 7 Minutes of Being In-Charge.7 Minutes of Total Control. 7 Minutes of Complete Freedom. 7 Minutes of Stress. 7 Minutes of Relief.
7 Minutes of Blaze. 7 Minutes of Chase. 7 Minutes of Grey's. 7 Minutes of Amaze..
7 Minutes of an All-consuming Haze.

There'll always come a time in your life,one particular alignment of the cosmos,when you will be done with your past and be waiting for your future.That time your past will be a blur as its already done and packed away.At the same time,your future will be a packed in another blur,waiting to unfold.In that blurry dimension,all you will be engulfed in is going to be a haze,a state of absolute disconnect and you'll be living,truly in the present. In the here and now.When you reach that dimension in life,my advice to you would be to kick ass each moment.Cause that baby,is the 'Zen'-est time of your life.This is what they were talking about when they said- "Do not go after the past,Do not lose yourself in the future.For the past no longer exists,And the future is not yet here. By looking deeply at things just as they are,In this moment, here and now,The seeker lives calmly and freely." 
This is going to be the time when every emotion gushes in together.You will almost be capable to feel everything at the same time.This is the beauty of transition.But you'll have 2 choices to make here, 1) Go crazy!!!! :o :( 2) Go crazy. :) Right now,when I realised how everything is so beautiful as I'm living in right now,not having to think about what has already happened and not having to give a thought to what is about to happen,as it'll happen anyway,whether I sweat about it or not, I also realised how up until now i had chosen option 1). And I was going crazy,about being able to feel calm and anxious at the same time.I just realised how wrong I was.I MUST go crazy now. I don't have to worry about the life gone by,I can't do anything about the life about to come.So what the hell am I doing to my life right now??I must enjoy every moment I get to read my Vogue,to go out for every crappy movie just because I can,wake up at inconvenient times,well cause I can,spend time with family cause that'll never be enough and that'll definitely get scarce,read books,pursue hobbies,do random courses, have binges,see sunrises and sunsets,take care of my body,chill with friends..have as much me time as I want to have!!
                     YES.I SHOULD BE GOING BONKERS-NUTS-BANANAS-CRAZY :D.
My life should be the biggest freakin party I can ever see!Cause I know in my hearts of heart,that there will be a time when I will yearn for all of it, there probably will never be another here and now.BUT its here right now and these are my 7 minutes.In life,you will realise that it really doesn't matter in the long run,what happens at the end of those 7 minutes.Either you land or you don't.If you succeed its good,if you don't then there is always a better chance,you get right back up and start over.I realised I might /might not have Instagram lenses for long. I better grow and find myself before I reach the conclusion of my journey. So I don't want to waste them on slopping and not enjoying my 7 minutes of Blissful Solitude!! And I suggest you don't too. STEP IN THE HAZE BABY,CAUSE IT'S SHOWTIME ;)

Shattered Silver Splinters

There is a different kind of sound that we can here when trust shatters.. the sound of nothingness. The sudden burst of silence. Its like reaching a dead end on the road which you couldn't even see till the time you almost collided head on into it.At times,the world stops. At other times,the world spins. But what remains constant is the silence.

Trust is talkative. It talks(A LOT!), communicates, promises and builds itself up on all of these things it does between two people. It has a tendency to crop up where you'd least expect it and most of the times build up silently without letting you know that it is building itself up. And BOOM! There it is one day.Staring at you with the cute-big-eyes and batting eyelids and a puppy face..the next thing you know is you've surrendered to it! And you start batting your eyelids and you start being puppy faced in life with all the trust that sits pretty in your big big heart.

Trust also doesn't recognize lines.It breaks them.Especially,if you've drawn huge clear cut bold defined lines.Its frikkin slimy,it slips and takes the shape of the space its in.Trust once settled in your big cute heart,makes it all gooey and fudge-y and chocolate-y and melts those huge clear cut bold defined lines and reduces them to fuzzy non defined molten blobs of nothing. It lets people and things and everything in.Its soo accomodating that it entertains everything and everyone.

Did i also mention that its blind-folded and stupid usually? Oh yeah! Blindfolded. A 101% blindfolded. Its blindfolded and a lil stupid considering it doesn't see which two people its creeping in between!It just gushes in between ..makes itself comfortable in the big cute heart..bats eyelids and all that..and takes everyone in.

This process it quite similar to the formation of a fragile bubble.. Trust is a bubble. And when it bursts.It takes only a fraction of a nanosecond to end itself.It breaks at the drop of the hat, at times its broken intentionally, at other times by mistake, sometimes by carelessness, some other times unknowingly and most of the times.. it succumbs to everything on its own and kills itself. The burst is so sudden that it doesn't have time to ask questions,it doesn't wait for answers,it doesn't see through its blindfolds and it doesn't understand anything.At the first chance it gets..with ease with which its built,with the same effortlessness it breaks.

And whats left is a huge not so cute empty heart,the big-teary-eyes and a sulky clueless face..In complete and utter silence.Probably the noise inside is soo shrill that it deafens the insides to the extent that all you can hear is silence.

Unbearable.
Insurmountably.
Unbreakable.

Silence.

As i see it, the most untrustworthy of all unfair human emotions,that build and un-build themselves inside a living being -- would be trust.Nothing weakens you more than trusting someone completely,bringing someone into those huge bubble like walls of your cute happy heart,being blindfolded and believing everything from the talk to the promises.
When the lights go off on the inside and its pin drop silence in pitch darkness.All you can do is wait for the light to find its way back to that deep darkness.To show you that the damage is not that great and most importantly that its not your doing.So the punishment that you give to yourself,sitting in that pitch darkness,surrounded by shambles,reveling in that all deafening silence and going over and over again as to what went wrong where..is the biggest mistake of it all.
May be trust wouldn't be so untrustworthy if we lay it in the right hands.May be we're not using the tool right.May be before laying trust in someone else,we gotta lay it in our own self.
Trust our gut.
Trust the instinct and trust what you tell your self when no one is around.The things you confess to yourself when nobody other than you knows it.Thats when you should stop lying to yourself and pushing things under the rug,thats when you should start listening and start trusting.When everything is between you and you.. thats when you should believe what that big cute heart says.Instead of letting someone else live in there,may be we should let ourselves in and stay there before anyone else enters our world.The conscience which is clear has nothing to fear about.The heart that has no dark deep secrets that it keeps from itself is the lightest heart in the world.And its also the most dangerous tool that kills you every single moment,bit by bit,from within reminding you that you wronged someone,no matter how rosy the picture might look from the outside.

The biggest of all faiths,after the one you have in yourself,is the one you have in someone way beyond us.. Who watches out for everyone from up there..who calls the shots down here..who keeps that record book of karma for each one of us and pays us back before we take off forever.Who ensures heaven and hell right here.In some form or the other,all we can do in the end,is trust ourselves to keep our karma right.To not shatter any heart that lets us in.To be the one we want the others to be with us.To not let our karma strike back and bite us where it hurts the most.Thats the greatest gift that we can give to ourselves,when we know in our hearts of hearts that we have a clean slate,that we did no wrong knowingly or unknowingly and most importantly we never broke the heart that let us in...laying all its trust in us.
Just remind yourself at every step in life,that when you think no one is watching and you can slip without guilt.. trust that,thats exactly when someone is watching,someone within you..And you'll be sorted,because that's the only person who is going to cross the ultimate finish line with you.Don't let your own conscience kill you before someone else does.

~The Silver Star Gaze~

When i was lil, i was taught to follow my star gaze.. my dreams and that they could be lived in reality.When i was not so lil, i was made to understand that everything that i dreamed off or was dreaming off was not always possible and that i should follow them as much as i could.When i was not lil at all, i was told that everything i dreamt off when i was growing up was the stuff that only dreams were made off and that reality was a whole different ball game.When i stepped into this godforsaken crazy land of adulthood,i had been taught,untaught,told,untold so many times that,i didnt even realise when my star gaze turned into a far fetched dream itself.
When did this happen?When did we become so big? When did our dreams.. start ceasing to be reality and start getting replaced by priorities,responsibilities,commitments,duties et al.? 
Those dreams.. which are so close when you shut your eyes that you can almost touch them,almost smell them,almost feel them..almost have them. Those dreams that you've seen so many times that in your parallel candy-flossed dream universe they almost become a reality.Those dreams that you build your life on and those that keep adding themselves to base your life on.. any and all sorts of dreams are the things that you can almost get a taste off... but probably they're fated OR ill fated to be an "almost" of life..
But what would life be if there were no almosts in life ?

Almost ~ That thin fragile line which demarcates a dream life which would have been from the life that it is.
Life,as i see now,has been like this for almost all of us, full of almosts..
Mark Twain once said-" The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter–’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” 
What he means according to me is that, when one's supposed to take a decision, either that decision can be a 10/10 bang-on hitting-the-bull's eye sort of decision (as bright as a bolt of lightning!) or that decision can be a 9.99/10,a slight miss, a tiny deviation or an almost..(not a bright flash of light but a tiny dot of light..still its a flicker of light nonetheless)
Almost >>  is the gap between the dream life you beautifully carve out of nothing in your head and the reality that you live in.Its the first position in any competition and any other a position below it,when you almost finish off first.Its the hollow between the spotlight and the pitch darkness around it,when you're almost in the spotlight and still out of it.It is the vaccum you hear when you dial someone's phone number and hang up just before it starts ringing,when you almost get connected. It is the fraction of a second underwater just before you come up,when you almost drown. It is that one fourth grace mark which takes you to the other side,when you almost failed.It is that one rupee while bidding which makes you lose,when you could've almost won.It is that one run that makes 99 a 100 ,when you almost make a century.


Almost is the place where ..Life happens..
When you're busy star gazing and fate's busy planning your future..
When you wake up from your sleep and cant make out whether what you just saw was a dream or it was for real..
When dreams try to meet the reality and they miss by an iota of an inch!

But does that mean that we should stop our star gazing? Does that mean the end of hope? Does that mean that we should never try to reach for the stars? Does that mean that its the end of it all?
NO. AND A BIG FAT NOOO AT THAT!
Oprah,the woman of all seasons,once said that the biggest adventure you can take it to love the life of your dreams.And rightly so,all dreams come true if we have the courage,the perseverance,the guts,the balls,the grit to pursue them..Whoever said dreams cannot be lived has clearly not chased them enough! The only reason anyone's life gets messy.. anyone's dream gets shattered is because they didn't have it in them to hold it for long enough,to compel it to come to them! Almost,my dearie,is the place which is proof that you went for it,that you took the plunge,that you followed your dream and that no matter what the outcome was.. you at least looked up in the sky,took the leap of faith and reached for your star. That's where the real adventure of life lies.Simply,because you cannot always wait for the perfect time, sometimes you must dare to jump.And midst of the confusion of telling,untelling,learning,unlearning the procedure of how to live your dream-life and how not to do it.. from when you were lil to when you became an adult,you realise that,that's when you've truly lived.. 


Life's not measured in pounds and nickels. Life's not even measured in hits and misses. And not even in winning and losing. Its measured by the simple fact that when you're ready to meet your creator,when you're bidding your final goodbyes,when you're into that tunnel of warm welcoming flash of white light..and your entire life flashes in front of your eyes.. you should not have a tiny grain of regret inside of you. When you look back and read your own biography,you should not be regretting the way the show ran and the way your life's curtain fell. You should be nodding and saying ..This is it. This is how i chose to live my dreams.

May be once a while, you should gather your guts and stretch that almost and make it a reality. May be once a while,you should know better and leave it at that. Both ways, you should know in the deepest corner of your heart that whatever you do .. you should never regret that you never tried.Because as you grow older the only things you'll regret are the things that you didn't do.. the girl/guy you almost married,the guy you almost saved,the job you almost left,the trip you almost took....the dream you almost lived. 


And i see many people regret their almosts in life.So why leave a chance to be in that place where all you have is regret in life?Sometimes you gotta stop and remember that you're not gonna live forever.Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one and nothing waits forever.Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past - stop planning the future - stop figuring out precisely how we feel - stop deciding with our mind exactly what we want our heart to feel - sometimes we just have to accept things for what they are and be happy with that almost which becomes a living reality and not an almost anymore,sometimes you just have to go with the flow, dream big and live to the fullest !


Because in the end baby,it's all worth it !!!!! :)


Much love,
xoxo
Sea